My Knight in Shining Tights
by Willowpanda
Summary: Ash Collins didn't ask for this. She didn't ask to be transported by a freakin necklace to Middle Earth. Or for her boyfriend to go missing. Or even for the bad hair days in front of the hottest guy out there. Nope didn't ask for it. Warning cussing in English and in hobbit and maybe a little elvish and probably some dwarf…anyway lets just assume language.
1. 1 Earth

**AN: So this is my first story and I have my partner in crime Star at heart. Love her, she is by far the best. The song for this chapter is Assassin's Creed 2 OST track 1 earth. Read and Review**

**Disclaimer: Would we be writing fanfiction if we owned Legolas and friends**.

Chapter 1: Earth

The sky was black with smoke and the air tasted of burning flesh and some burning potatoes. A woman, was running down a hall way of a palace. Her destination, safety for her only child. She finally finds him, he will help her, she hopes.

"Gandalf I fear for my daughters safety, she is allergic to the burning potato fumes. She must leave The Kingdom of Nightshade now!" Gandalf takes the young infant girl from the queen.

"The only place that I think she will be safe is in another dimension. The folk there are freaks so they shouldn't be in any real danger." _Safe in a place of freaks, yeah right!_ the queen thinks.

"Where is this place of freaks?"

"The dimension of Dinosaurs."

" Uhm I think they have renamed it..some stupid name..Terra I think..yeah Terra." The queen says her goodbye and watches as her daughter is transported by stick to her home dimension, Earth. These are the last thoughts that run threw her head as the un hot wild-men break down the doors of the palace.

14 years later…

Ash P.O.V.

"MOM! DO I HAVE TO TAKE HER? I MEAN SHE SMELLS LIKE KAKA!" I scream at my mom. My annoying little sister Magnolia or Maggs as I call her, turns and glares at me.

"I don't smell like ka-whatever!"

"That's because you can't smell yourself!" She stormed of in a huff, while I stood there making faces at her back like a 8 year old. Why couldn't she smell nice like her twin or even her older brother. Speaking of them, they decided to emerge from their rooms, aka caves. My family was strange as it was but the kids made it even weirder. My family consisted of my mom who was a stand up comedian, my dad a massage specialist who looked like the Jolly Green Giant, my younger brother Justin, who is 14 and a computer nerd, my younger identical twin sisters Camille (Cami, 9) and Magnolia (Maggs,9) who were both completely different. Cami was into books and unicorns, while Maggs was into dirt, mud, food, and fantasy. Weird I know, but that is not even the half of it. Everyone in my family has brown hair and hazel eyes, while I have fiery red hair and electric blue eyes. Yeah I know I am hot for 16. Anyway back to the problem at hand.

"No, you don't have to take her." said my mom. I let out a sigh of relief, but it was short lived.

"Actually you have to take all of them!" Does the universe really hate me that much? Apparently so…I had completely forgot about Cami and Maggs's birthday! Fuck my life! I hadn't even thought about a stupid gift. Oh well just gonna have to get it later.

"What are we seeing again?" I turned and asked my sister. We were in line to pay for our tickets and I was getting impatient. The whole car ride they all sang 99 bottles of beer on the wall. By the time they made it to 85 bottles of beer I was fixin to punch someone.

" Four tickets for Lord of the Rings please." said Cami as she emerged from her book. We grab our food and head to the theater room. I have always hated movie theaters, they always brought back rough memories. But to get threw it I jus keep telling myself _Don't be a negatron be a Optomisprime!_ Stupid right, but it works. But somehow the movie seems to draw my attention, with its action and suspense. By the end I can't feel my butt and I am tired. And it seems that Cami is the same as I look over and see her rubbing her numb butt. I nudge Justin out of his deep slumber. Poetic right? All the while Maggs is bouncing of the walls while talking about her favorite parts and gushing over the hot elves. I am glad by the time we get home, because I have found what I am going to get Maggs for her Birthday. The only problem is were am I going to find a shop that sells elf junk. Oh well that mission can wait for tomorrow, as sleep took me under.

_My dream self awoke in an unfamiliar place. It smelt horrid and my dream eyes started to tear up. Potatoes where near! I look around to see a bright orange light that morphed into fire. There was a women near me…she seemed so familiar but why? Just as I reached out to touch her shoulder my dream changed. I am in a car. __His__ car. Please no, I thought to myself I can't relive this. I look over to see him opening the door to get out. I open my mouth to tell him to stay here and don't go, because I know how this dream ends. He looks at me but its not him. It's not my Cole. This man has long blonde hair almost white and amazing blue eyes, or at least I think they were blue. He was breathtaking. I opened my mouth to speak but then the ground began to shake. I look up to see that he is fading away. "NO!"_

I wake up in a jolt to see my two sisters bouncing on my bed, singing Birthday Sex. Did I hear them right? "Where the heck did y'all hear that song!" I screeched at them. They had not even turned 10 and where already acting like mini Britney Spears's.

" You have it on your iPod." exclaimed Cami.

"And you said that we could listen to it before you went to bed." finished Maggs as she continued jumping on my bed.

" Girls time for breakfast!" my mom hollered from down stairs. At that moment she was my savior. "HURRAY! PANCAKES" yelled my sisters in unison as they ran out of room. But not before they finished the song. Kids these days, meh.

I crawled out of bed and got ready for the day, throwing on any clean clothes on my floor. Which in the end resulted in a pair of my Hollister short shorts, a tank and a light cardigan also from Hollister. What can I say I have good fashion sense. Although the cardigan and tank stopped before my belly button, which thankfully was an inny!

As I walked down the stairs I thought about what my plans for today were. First I had to go fill my car with gas, then I had to pick up cake mix for later, and finally get the birthday presents. For Cami a simple text book will do. But for Maggs a trinket from a shop of elves.

Gas…check. Cake mix…check. Birthday present for Cami….check. Maggs's birthday present… no check. Damn it. Okay so maybe the mall, I hope. After parking my car I try to discretely walk into the Celtic antiques shop, in search of a trinket of elf "origin". But as I walk into the shop I am attacked by the smell of numerous cats. I immediately take a step back. Are cats even allowed in this mall and if so I would like to sign the petition that will have them banned…FOREVER. I continued my journey, fighting threw the waves of cats running around on the ground . When I finally made it to the counter I was in need of a shower. I am pretty sure my legs aren't suppose to be THAT hairy. The woman behind the counter was hunched over, feeding the few cats that were around her.

"Uhmm, excuse me?" I said.

"Yes, how may I help you?" said the women.

As she turned around I noticed that she was a tiny Chinese women in her late 60's with smile wrinkles surrounding her small black eyes.

"Do you guys sell any elvish trinkets?" I asked.

"Yes over in the corner next to the sheep skins. But don toush noting! Yew break yew buy." she yelled as I walked back to the corner she pointed out.

What I thought was a blanket of cat hair was actually the sheep skin, so I knew I was in the right place. There were four shelves covered in figurines, but few were covered in jewelry. As I was about to pick up a figurine of a elf with white hair and a flowing blue robe, a wild hand appeared out of no were and slammed into my hand that was out stretched.

"DON TOUSH!"

"I-I'm sorry, I was kinda maybe sorta thinking about buying it." I stammered.

She pulled her hand back and a small smile appeared on her wrinkled face.

"Okay then, that statue is 9.83."

"9.83, don't you mean like 9.85 or 9.80?" I mean I have heard about off prices but that was just weird.

"No 9.83. I only take exact change" With that she turned and walked back to the counter.

I turned back to the shelves, and saw a beautiful ring strung on a necklace. It was a beautiful gold that had an inscription of some weird language on it, it was hanging on a silver chain. I had to buy it, it was like calling to me, buy me buy me! But the funny thing was that it was actually talking! It was saying put me on put me on. Okay this is just weird. I looked around for the Chinese lady, and I found her brushing one of her cats on the counter….Oka. I turned back to the necklace and picked it up. As the ring settled into a position between my boobs a searing pain shot threw me and a bright light flashed. Then everything went black and I was falling.

**R&R**


	2. 2 Coma

**AN: Hopefully y'all will like this Chapter. R&R**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Lord of The Ring characters, I own Ash and Family/Friends. But in my dreams I own Legolas! The song for this chapter is COMA**

Chapter 2:Coma

Merry P.O.V

I was on a mission, a mission of hunger. I was walking down the stairs, were I hoped at the bottom was the kitchen. Hobbit, my stomach is growling like a mean old dog.

"Merry hurry up I think I hear Boromir coming" exclaimed Pippin.

With that we started running down the stairs as best we could. Then I heard this tearing sound, it seemed to have come from above my head. I stopped dead in my tracks. Pippin ran smack dab into me. I turned to shout at him but then something heavy came crashing down on me. And with that we went tumbling down the stairs. With each bump I could see a long figure with red hair tumbling down next to me. Thankfully the bottom of the stairs were near. With a thud we all landed, and by we I mean Me, Pippin, and a woman?

" Aye who is she?" said Pippin as he walked where I was sitting.

"I don't know if she fell from the roof or something." I said.

And with that we careful walked over to the figure. She was lying face down. That was definitely gonna hurt when she wakes up. She seemed to be human, but I wasn't sure.

"Merry on the count of three okay?" suggested Pippin.

"Okay." I said

"Ready one, two, three!" we said at the same time.

With a shove we rolled her over.

"Ouch!" we both said.

There was a red welt starting to appear on the side of her head. She groaned and in a sudden flash of movement her hand shot out and connected with Pippins face. I thought my gut was going to explode, I was laughing so hard. All the while Pippin was rolling on the ground holding onto his face.

" BLOODY MUSHROOMS! BLOODY MUSHROOMS!" he kept yelling.

She collapsed again and made no other sounds or movements, hopefully she wasn't dead. After my fit of laughter I cautiously walk over to her. I nudge her with my foot and nothing happened. I then walk over to Pippin who is still holding her face.

"What should we do with her." I ask still looking at her.

"Well I am gonna need my face checked out in the infirmary, so lets take her there." said Pippin in slight pain.

We both walk over and realize that we can't carry her.

"How about you grab one leg and I grab the other. Thankfully the infirmary isn't far from here." I suggest.

"Okay."

So I grabbed her left leg and Pippin grabbed her right, and together we dragged her down the long quite hall way. After having to stop a few times to catch our breath we finally made it to the infirmary.

After the hunch back nurse with more wrinkles than an old elephant and a nose that looked like a squished tomato dropped her onto the bed. She turned to the dark storage room to get some ice for Pippins precious face. And with that we left to continue our mission for wonderful food.

Ash's Dream while in a Coma

" _WE'RE ON A HIGHWAY TO HELL! HIGH WAY TO HELL" and with that final verse we burst out in laughter. I look over to see Cole smiling at me before he turns back to look at the road. This is gonna be the best road trip ever._

"_So are you ready to go to the lake house?" he asks me. I turn and look at him, my future. I smile a small smile at him because being here with him makes me ready to meet his parents and go to the lake house with him._

"_Yes.." it barely comes out in a whisper, but that was all it took he turned and smiled at me._

"_But before we go any further I have got to go to the room of rest."_

"_The restroom?" I ask questioningly._

"_Yes" he says as he chuckles._

"_Okay but we just passed the last rest stop for 15 miles." I say._

"_Well I see a restroom right now and now and now and now." He says as he looks out his window._

"_Oh, I get it, so your gonna go piss in the woods?" I ask._

"_Yup." he says as he pulls the car over on the side of the road._

"_Don't get attacked by bears!" I called after him as he stepped out of the car._

_I heard him chuckle as he closed his door. I sat there watching as cars drove past. They were blurs of white and red as they zoomed past. _

_It had been a couple of minutes and I was getting worried. But he probably had to take a dump. But after 10 minutes I was worried enough to get out of the car and go look for him._

"_Cole?….Cole? COLE!" I screamed. I searched franticly for him but after 20 minutes of looking I decided to drive to the nearest gas station and call for help._

_I finally made it to the gas station and used there pay phone to call the police._

_Once they got there I told them everything. I was on the brink of tears by the time they left. They told me to go home and that they would do everything that could to find him._

_That night I cried in my moms arms. For I had the feeling that they wouldn't find Cole._

_But I had to keep my hope up for Cole's sake. Then blackness claimed me._

_End of Coma Dream._

I was awake yet not. I think numb was the word. But I could feel other people in the room and I decided not to move. I checked all my senses to make sure I was alright. Then I mentally went over my limbs to make sure nothing was broken. I seem to be alright, except for the throbbing in my head. I think I hit my head.

**R&R**


	3. 3 What The Hell

**AN:Hope ya'll all enjoy this! I think we have all gone through something like this. The song for this chapter is What the Hell by : Avirl Lavinge. R&R**

**Disclaimer:I do not own Lord of the Rings. I really don't.**

Chapter 3 What the Hell?

Ash P.O.V

I was still in the dark but I was trying to listen to the people around me.

"Gandalf, she is fine the swelling has gone down. She is still in a coma but she should be waking up soon." said a raspy voice that sounded very manly.

"Sounds good, but I think she is already awake my dear Helga." said a older voice.

Crap, should I move and compromise my awareness or just lay there. I think the latter will do. So I just lye there a while longer.

"I know your awake." said the older voice.

Shit. I opened my eyes to see a room that was completely white. I mean headache white. Then I noticed other beds around me. I was also aware that there were two people standing next to my bed cot thingy. One was taller and he had a beard that went down just past were his man boobs were. And hair that went past his shoulders, both a weird shade of grey. He was dressed in floor length robes that were the same shade as his hair and beard. He was carrying a walking stick. The woman, or at least I think she was a woman, had a hunch in her back, which made her about 4 ft. She had brown hair that went to her chin. She was dressed in a white dress that stopped just short of her nubby knees. I don't think she has ever heard of lotion or even make-up. Or a brush for that matter. But her kind smile was genuine.

During the time that I was looking them over they had come closer. I widened my eyes in fear as the older man said "Ash we-"

Before he could even finish I was gone. Running down hall ways. Each longer and more confusing then the last. How many halls can one house have I mean this is just ridiculous! I went left then right then left again. At least I think I did, I can't really remember. While running down a long corridor I ran into something or rather someone. This man was maybe 4ft tall with long red hair, a beard thing with braids running through it randomly that ran all the way to the middle of his stomach. He was dressed in a tunic pant ensemble with battle axes hanging from his belt. He looked ready for a terrible battle. And there was no way I was staying to see it.

"Well hello, there dear…." the man said though I didn't here the last part of what he was saying because the second he started talking I started to run. I went through at least four different corridors till I came upon one with a light at the end. Freedom at last! I went through an arch way that lead to a courtyard with four children one with a black eye and the man from the infirmary. Why does the universe hate me so much, I mean what did I ever do to it? I started backing away, back towards the empty corridors I had just exited from. Hopefully one led out, if not I was screwed. As I was backing away I stumbled upon the short man. Great now I am cornered. I have to get out of here some how, and figure that out fast because everyone was walking towards me. Then what happened next happened fast.

I looked around for a weapon something, anything. Aha! A stick about as long as my arm, but not as wide. I picked it up and held it in front of me as if it were a sword. Then the small man with the red beard and braid thingy's walked further. Then my instincts set in, I turned to him and started to beat him with a stick. Then all of a sudden two of the children ran towards me yelling. I stopped betting the small man to see that they were diving for my feet. Oh shit. They each grabbed one of my legs, immobilizing me. This was just great. While my attention was distracted the beard man took the stick out of my hand mumbling in some weird language. Okay so now my situation has worsened.

Just this morning I was buying cake mix and dog food and now I have to man-children holding onto my legs while a man with a stick and robes walk over to me. Not to mention I had just beat a 4 ft man with a stick. My legs gave out and I fell to the ground, great my butt is gonna need some serious love after this.

"O-okay what's g-going on?" I stammered in fear.

"Ash, This is Middle Earth" said the man with the stick.

"Middle what?" I asked.

"First lets start with introductions." said the stick man, with that he turned and started the intros.

"This is Pippin." as he points to the man child with a black eye.

"You have a mighty fine left hook, miss," The man child, Pippin said with a smirk.

"This is Merry." The stick man points to the man child who looks very similar to Pippin.

Merry smiles and looks at Pippin. They both look at the two other child men.

"While this is Frodo and Sam." The stick man continues on pointing to the two other child men,

"They are Hobbits." well that explains the appearance of them. I also vividly remember them from the movie.

"I am Gandalf the Grey" said the stick man, Gandalf. "And that is Gimli." He says pointing to the one with the battle axes. "He is a Dwarf for future reference."

"Okay." I said trying not to freak out. How much does the universe hate me! I mean really I'm in another world. What else is going to happen, Edward Cullen jump out and start make out with me. I mean what is going on. I'm pretty sure this isn't normal, not at all.

"Will you accompany me too the counsel milady." Gandalf said.

**R&R**


	4. 4 Egos

**AN: Thanks for all the reviews. The song for this chapter is ego by This Saturday. Criticism is appreciated and welcome. On my page I will post links to the pictures of our characters. R&R**

**Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR! :( Though I would love to babysit them!  
**

Chapter 4: Egos

Ash P.O.V

" Uhm sure I guess. Where are we going anyway?" I asked Gandalf.

He turned and looked at me. He seemed lost in thought.

"We are going to a council meeting to discuss a matter at hand." he replied.

"Why do I have to go, I mean I don't even know how I got here let alone how to act at a council meeting. I mean what do I do?" I asked. I just hope that I don't have to speak, because the last time I spoke publicly it ended with the whole front row in the splash zone. It was not pretty.

"Just sit there and listen then later I will explain more." He told me.

We had finally arrived at the meeting area. It was in a garden with cobble stone floors and in the middle of the floor there was a small round table. Along the perimeter of the floor there were about 13 chairs. Then at the very front I guess you could call it were 3 chairs. The chair in the middle was bigger and more elaborate than the one on either side.

As people started filing in I noticed Frodo come and sit next to me, then next to me on the other side was Gandalf.

After everyone was seated and man and two women entered they were some of the most beautiful people I have ever met. The man sat in the middle while the two women sat on either side of him. As the man began talking I took a look around me. Sitting next to Frodo were 4 people who looked very similar they all had white hair and light colored robes. But that's not what caught my attention. As I looked at each one of their faces I reached a face that was looking back at me. He had strikingly blue eyes, or maybe they were purple, his hair went down past his shoulders but it didn't seem girly like most would, and it was like white-ish. The had a sharp jaw line and his lips…_Ash get a hold of yourself_,_ you don't even know this man._ But I know I have seen him before. I looked him over once more, and then it hit me. This was the man from my dream. I was the first to break eye contact.

A million thoughts ran threw my mind after that. Such as who was he? Does he recognize me? What does this mean? Am I crazy?

Legolas P.O.V

The moment I walked into the meeting room she caught my eye. Her red hair was flowing around her like a river of the finest lava. Wow, really, lava. Any way she was sitting next to Frodo and Gandalf, she must be important other wise she wouldn't be here. I took my seat next to my people and waited for the meeting to begin. Looked over at her, she was staring back at me with a curious look on her face and in her eyes. Her eyes were the most breath taking blue I have ever seen before, . Then a look of fear and recognition crossed beautiful face.

I took in her features, she had of course blue eyes, they reminded me of icicles that drip the clearest and purest of water, and red hair like fire on her head, but also a slight heart shape face with pale cheeks and beautiful lush lips. I wonder what it would be like to kiss those lips. _Legolas get you head out of the gutter you barely even know this girl. That is not how you think of a lady!_. She was mesmerizing. I tried to focus on the meeting, thankfully she looked away.

Ash P.O.V

The man in the middle Elrond began talking.

" The ring has resurfaced, but on the way here it was lost-" he said but was cut short by Frodo.

"I am sorry to interrupt but I didn't lose the ring it simply disappeared. One moment it was around my neck on a silver mirthlr necklace and in the next moment it was gone." He exclaimed.

" I didn't say you lost it!" responded Elrond.

At that moment the ring on the necklace began to burn. Where they talking about this ring? I had to find out. I stood up to speak but Gandalf pulled me into the chair again. I turned and looked at him.

"Ash, don't I told you not to speak." he said in a rushed whisper, quiet enough for only me to hear.

"No Gandalf, I have it." and with that said I stood up and faced the crowd of freaks.

"Do you mean this ring?" I said as I pulled the chain up from my boobage.

A rush of things happened after that. Elrond walked over to me in 2 long strides. He had a bewildered look on his face. I looked around at everyone else and saw a mixture of emotions cross everyone's face. I mainly saw surprise, horror, curiosity, and disbelief.

"Where did you get this?" Elrond's voice was barley above a whisper but I still had heard it.

"Some whack shop in my local mall, just like everything else in my life." I said nonchalantly.

And then Frodo stood, walked over to me and took the necklace that was still grasped tightly in my hand. He then went to the stone table in the middle of the room and set the ring down. Then he silently returned to his seat, I decided to follow him and I regained my sea and composure.

I looked around expecting to find everyone talking. But instead I saw everyone looking dead at me, okay so apparently finding a ring is not a good thing. I locked eyes with a certain white haired blue eyed man and found him staring at me in pure curiosity and astonishment. I felt a blush creep up my neck and watched as his eyes followed the trail of the blush as it finally reached my cheeks. Then he smiled and my breath hitched, nothing could be more beautiful.

Elrond was the first to speak.

" Okay, so Ash we will discuss this later in PRIVATE!" Then the arguing started, and it was a full on war. The white haired people were oddly graceful when screaming,

"We should have it. Especially since we have by far more wisdom." Man, could you have a bigger ego. While the blond and dark haired men were constantly looking at the ring while screaming like five year olds in a temper tantrum,

"No I want it." "We all want it." "We should have it." While the man I ran into in the hall way, Gimli, I think continually said,

"The Dwarfs should have it. The Dwarfs should have it."

" Quite!" Said Gandalf loudly. Everyone stopped in mid-sentence and looked directly at Gandalf.

" There you go Elrond you may now speak." Gandalf said looking fondly at Elrond.

" Yes, Thank you Gandalf. I think we should give Frodo another chance at being the holder of the ring…" As Elrond kept talking it dawned on me this was exactly how the movie my family forced me to take to them to went. I couldn't think, but I had to tell someone. Gandalf, I will tell him I trust him the most.

"Gandalf ," I whispered to him, " I know how this ends. You, the Hobbits, Gimli, and some hot dudes named Boromir, Aragorn, and Legolas become the fellowship of the ring and destroy it" Gandalf looks at me stunned.

"Then you will go with us then. But don't tell anyone about your knowledge about the future." " Gandalf stood to speak. Elrond fell silent.

"There will be a fellowship which consists of the Hobbits, yes I know you are in the bushes, Legolas, Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, Ash, and myself."

Legolas P.O.V

At the sound of her name my eyes shot to her and my heart sped up its pace. Why would Gandalf bring her with us she is just a mere human from what I can tell. Although I won't protest because I would like her to come with us. This will be a long trip. And with that Gandalf said " Let us retire for dinner and discuss the arrangements then."

**I REPEAT R&R**


	5. 5 Tailor and Dinner

**AN: So updates are going to be slower. Sorry! I know there are silent readers so for now we won't update until we have at least 1 new review. We would always love more though. The song for this chapter is one of our favorites. drive thru rap also known as the McDonald's rap. You can find it on youtube.**

**Disclaimer: We do not own LOTR. Sorry but we don't, I know all of you wish we did . LOL!**

Chapter 5 Tailor and Dinner

As I strutted down the hall like a model, towards my room I realized I was actually looking forward to dinner. My room was right next to the infirmary just in case something happens. As I entered my room I looked around. It was covered in tapestries each of a different battle, the walls were a soft cream color. The room is quite big and my bed was next to the floor length window that had a view of the valley, it was if I do say so myself absolutely breathtaking. I had a separate room for bathing and an armoire stood next to a set of table and chairs. I walked to the armoire and found gowns from wall to wall. Each were more beautiful than the last. But none of them seemed to fit me and I hated how heavy the dresses were. I would definitely have to talk to someone about that. Also on the other side of the window was a make up table. I guess that was what it was anyway.

I would hopefully get to talk to Legolas I think. But the problem was that I don't think I can pronounce his name correctly. He needs a nickname something simple and easy….Las…no….Leg…no way in hell….Lego….YES! That should be good I mean it is catchy like the toys or Lego my Eggo!

Okay next order of business. At least my mental business, uhm clothes and what the hell am I gonna pack? What do you pack for a trip when all you brought was the clothes you are wearing? Shit! I was wearing my daisy dukes and my mid-drift is showing. Wow I wonder what my hair looks like. I can't believe that Lego saw me like this. Just amazing.

My train of thought was interrupted by a knock at the door. I walked over to open it but the man was already walking over with a gaggle of women behind him. They all flitted over to me like a freakin flock of seagulls, each looking for a part of me to measure. They started to poke and prod me. The man walked circles around me, I thought I was gonna throw up. But then he stopped in front of me and spoke for the first time.

" Greeeennn….hmmm yes definitely green." He drew out green as if he was contemplating whether the color would fit. He caught me staring and continued.

"Hello my name is Rowan, and I will be your tailor." he said as he flashed a high voltage smile my way.

Wow my own personal tailor. This could be fun. I told him all my ideas for gowns and pants, he gave me a disapproving look before he turned to my armoire and pulled out a deep silk forest green dress. He held it up to me.

"Hmm yes this will do fine. Go put it on." he commanded me.

"But it is to sma-"

"SHH"

"But-"

"ZPP" he said, I guess.

I turned to my bathroom and put on the dress. It fit me fine every where except for my boobs which seemed to spill out the top. I heard a few gasps from the woman standing in front of my window as I walked out. Was there something on the dress? Shit I had had my period on my dress hadn't I. Grr. This was just great. But as I looked down I couldn't see anything past my boobs. But I walked towards them anyway, and Rowan came to met me half way.

"It looks nice, and it seems to fit like a glove. A good dress for a proper young lady." he stated.

"Pft I guess you have never met me." I said under my breath.

"What was that?" he asked innocently.

" I was just say that this dress is way to heavy I mean I probably weigh 200 pounds in this dress." As I said this I lifted up the top layer of the dress to reveal numerous layers of fabric.

"The only way…"

I tore one of the layers off..

"I am going to wear this…"

Another layer off.

"Is if all this comes off."

And with that the last layer of fabric came loose in my hands.

I looked up to find everyone's mouth hanging open like they were goldfish.

"What this is still more fabric I've had on me then in my whole life." I stated simply. Rowan was the first to regain composer.

"Well now that we have you dressed for dinner tonight. We should probably start on your traveling clothes. Unfortunately all the traveling clothes we have are for men so we will be taking in the hems a bit." He said while handing me a pile of clothes to try on. When I came out my face was one of disgust.

"What!" He said with exasperation, hands in the arms.

"Nope. I will not walk miles in full length pants." I said while looking at him like he was crazy. I grabbed the scissors and cut the pants till they were capri's.

" Now if possible, Will you make the shirt and pants fit me snuggly." All of a sudden it made since to him.

"You want them closer to you for more room to move?" said Rowan experimenting.

"Yes!" I said relived that he understood what I was saying. Hopefully they would look and fit like my riding clothes. "Here are some cloths for your cycles, and here are binding for your breasts. You know when your in the tunic." He said looking towards the floor.

I grabbed them and set them on the bed

"Come, I'll show you where dinner is." Rowan said. He lead the way down the hall across a courtyard and to the right. It seemed like everyone was walking that way, hopefully I wasn't late.

My heart was hammering in my chest as I looked out over the crowd, Rowan stopped and turned towards me.

" Good luck, my lady." he said and with that he was gone. Of course he can leave but I can't. I looked around not knowing what to do, thankfully Gandalf had seen me come in so he was on his way over to greet me.

"Good you're here I thought that you were gonna run." he said concern clear in his old voice.

"Why would I run?" I asked puzzled by his statement, of course I was slightly sarcastic.

"Oh it's nothing. We are sitting near by, let me show you." He said as he turned to walk me towards the table.

"Okey dokey!" I said with a tired yet excited tone while looking at Gandalf with a cheesy smile.

Legolas POV

Merry and Pippin poked at me while looking at the door with a look of happy awe. As I turned I saw Ash the girl I saw before at the meeting. My breath was not in my lungs at the moment. Ash , with the lava hair and the purest blue eyes was talking to Gandalf while walking towards us. I was slightly upset that she covered her long toned legs. But the view of her breasts was still pleasurable. Her hips had a lushes curve. And oh, her waist. Okay focus on your breathing. Why is she staring at me? Ah, crap now I'm blushing.

"Hello, You must the fellowship. I am so happy to help ya'll." Ash said from lips so full. Then Boromir had to ruin it.

" What can a pathetic girl like you do to help us with our journey. All we'd have to do is protect you." Boromir said haughtily. Looking around for support from us and getting only disgusted looks from the Hobbits. With that Ash walked over to Boromir slow and with a purpose while grinning at him like a devious child. You could see that he was scared for all his manhood in his eyes.

" I highly doubt that I will be the one being protected." And with that she grabbed his hand lurched it back and then pressed him to the floor on his knees. By the end he was crying in shame and pain. All the while the fellowship except Boromir and Ash busted out in laughter.

"Well done Ash I have to applaud you for that." said Aragorn.

"Hey Sam, are ya sure you still want to come. You could always go home and teach Rosie that. Ya know." said Frodo mockingly.

"Ha Ha NO!" Sam said. Boromir slowly got back in his chair while clutching his arm.

Ash poked her food and sniffed her ale.

"I don't want to sound rude or anything but what is this?" Gandalf and I chuckled looking at her confused mixed with slightly disgusted expression. Then Gandalf said

"Oh," then pointing to what he was talking about he labeled each item.

"This is ale. It is safer then water here. On your plate you have roasted ground apples, an evergreen needle salad, and barley."

"Oh," After that she dug in. We all noticed that she didn't know what anything was though it was all common food. She noticed the stares and said shamefully,

"At home anybody under 21 years of age can't drink anything alcoholic.," We all looked down in shame. I can't believe we peer pressured her. She probably can't even hold her drink.

"Don't worry ya'll. That doesn't mean I haven't drunk anything before. And our foods are completely different." She said smugly. Dinner conversation was easy as breathing after that.

**R&R**


	6. 6 Midnight Walk and Charades

**AN: So thanks to our ONE reviewer immajedibabe you all get a new chapter. For immajedibabe you know you reviewed long ago. But the internet went down so here it is. For our favortires and alertests as much as I love you guys. We would both love some opinions. So with that in mind we need 2 reviews to post the next chapter The song for this chapter is Moonlight Sonata. Please R&R **

**Disclaimer:It makes me sad that i do not i repeat do not own LOTR. :(**

Chapter 6 Midnight Walk and Charades

Ash P.O.V

After dinner Gandalf lead me back to my chambers. Where I found some underwear, a pair of cream light cotton pants and my old clothes. For sleeping I decided to cut the cotton pants to baggy short shorts and use my black crocheted sweater cardigan thing as a top over my bra. My hot pink bra was clearly visible but did I care. If you said yes then you are probably one of the awkward types. When I laid down, sleep was quick but light.

My dreams were haunted by images of Cole. Just flashes of the memory, the way he disappeared was the most bizarre. All he did was go to the bathroom, in the freaking woods! It happened a few months ago, but it was still fresh in my memory. Then the memory takes me completely. But its not like it usually is, this time I am watching like a spectator not like a person in the memory. I am seeing everything brand new now. I see Cole stepping out of the car. My spirit self follows him, wait this has never happened before. I will get to see how Cole disappeared. I don't know if I want to see this? He walks a few yards away from the car and turns to make sure I can't see him. He then sees something on the ground, he bends over to pick it up and a white flash blinds us both.

I sit straight up in my bed to realize that I have been sleeping in a pool of sweat. I definitely can't go to sleep after that so I left. I decided a walk around the grounds would be good for the lungs. But some how I knew this would not be a normal walk.

Legolas P.O.V

Walking in the gardens is a normal occurrence for me. You may blame it on me having awful sleeping habits or the fact that I am like a little girl in a toy store when it comes to the stars at night. I came upon a circular fountain in a circular hedge. Looking in to the reflection of myself. I am adored in white baggy cotton drawstring pants and nothing else. I heard someone's footsteps draw near. I immediately turn to the sound to see who it was.

"Hey! What are you doing up? I haven't seen a soul for the past thirty minutes that I've being walking in the gardens." Ash says coming through the hedge doorway. Through the reflection I can see her in the non-existent cream shorts that gladly did not cover up her long smooth legs. The 'top' she was wearing was the one she wore to counsel yet this time she only had a skimpy hot pink odd looking binding thing on her voluptuous breasts.

"I'm not normally out here its just dreams aren't always playing nice." She said looking at the reflection of us both.

Ash POV

Man, does he have some body. Lego has like a six pack and well defined arms from archery. He blond long hair was perfect but loose of his common braids.

"Hey do you mind if I call you Lego! It's just your name short." Why do I keep rambling. THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING! Finally Lego spoke up,

"Hey why don't we go walk around the gardens, and yes you may call me Lego." I can't help but notice that his eyes raked up and down my body. The sky was full of bright stars and a full round harvest moon. We pass a garden full of rose bushes in the look of Alice in Wonderland trees. We walked around for about thirty minutes when I felt that familiar pressure on my bladder.

"Uhm do you know where a potty is?" I asked Lego. All I got was a confused look.

"You know like the Thunder box, Crapper, Lavatory, Loo, Head, Restroom, The Can, privvie, Throne, Poop Depository, John, The stool, Pothole, The Facility, Bulkhead, Comfort station, Ditch, Think n' Stink, Confessional, Convenience, Quality Time, New York, The crapper, Turd aquarium, The butt holder, Bathroom, porcelain god, The Bus Stop, The Time Squatter." After getting many confused looks. I decide I should start charading. I bend down to sitting in a chair position, and make a peeing noise. At this point Lego bursts out laughing.

"I've known what you were talking about for awhile. But you wouldn't let me in to speak and at one point it just was so funny I didn't want to say anything!" Lego said through laughing fits.

"That's no fair!" My face showed a mask of sadness. Lego pulled me close when we both heard some one coming. Soon who ever it was left, leaving us alone. We stayed like that until we thought it was safe. I then tried to move, but his arms were still around my waist. I looked up into his bright blue orbs for eyes, he was staring at me with a look of awe and curiosity. I was getting lost in his eyes. I didn't even notice when he started to lean in, all I saw was his beautiful face. I was anticipating the kiss. Then his lips finally met my and it was like a live wire was touching me, I think he felt it to because I felt him stiffen then relax. We finally had to come up for air. But we both weren't breathing as heavily as I thought we should be. But that kiss was undeniable magic. I looked up to see joy and lust in his eyes. He walked me to my room were he wrapped his lean arms around my waist as I tangled my hand in his hair and he gave me a nice sweet good night kiss. "Off to bed with you now, you have to be up early tomorrow morning to set out." He said. I sighed and said goodnight as I turned and walked threw my bedroom doors.

**R&R**


	7. 7 Leavin and Gman

**AN: So I'm updating with only one new review because I felt bad for people like me who just don like reviewing. Also Updates will be way slower because my Co author has moved to florida and does not have internet access. So I'm on my own. :( The song for this chapter is REM Leave . I want to praise imajedibabe for commenting. R&R**

**Disclaimer: We own only Ash and the plot nothing more.**

Chapter 7 Leavin' and G-man

Ash POV

I woke up from my dream

of last night on the fine cotton silk sheets that the elves have lent me. With the oddest feeling that someone was poking at my feet. Wait! Who is touching my feet?

"What the hell?" I said as I sleepily looked down to the Hobbits whose eyes came to look at me when I sat up. While they still stared at my feet in awe.

"Oh it's you guys. May I ask what you are doing with my feet." I said looking down at them this time with a slight smile across my lips.

"Well Aragorn, Asked us to find out what shoe size you were. But yours are bigger then most girls here. And yet you have smaller feet than us." Pippin said in a matter of a fact tone. Looking down I see that what I first thought were shoes were actually their feet.

"Oh, I'm just a size eight" I said as I started to get up. The Hobbits looked well, stared actually, at my bare stomach. Samwise cleared his throat,

"I think that I speak for all of us when, if I may ask, why do you were such short clothing?" He said looking down ashamed at asking a lady that question. Frodo elbowed Sam in the stomach for asking.

"Oh! Where I'm from this isn't skimpy clothing. Just normal clothes for girls my age. And I thank you for bringing the matter up with me respectfully." I said looking down at him with a gentle smile. Then there was a knock on the door.

"Ash it's Rowan with your traveling clothes." He said through the door.

"So we will be leaving to get ready for leaving later today leaving." Said Frodo while rambling about leaving. As they left Rowan came in with a bundle of clothing.

"Here." Rowan said while thrusting a pair of clothes in my arms. I went to get changed.

* * *

"Yea!" I squealed as I finished putting on my clothing. I had tried to explain my riding clothes but I wasn't sure if they were actually able to figure out what I was saying. The shirt was fitted but still slightly baggy and mad with a light cotton material. The Capri's were a light brown almost tan color made with a strong but slightly stretchy cloth. I came out of the bathroom and did a small spin for Rowan. Just then there was a knock at the door. I sprinted to the door thinking it was the hobbits and yanked open the door with a Cheshire cat grin.

"Hey Pippin isn't this awesome I can actually move in these clothes." I said looking up when only seeing legs. Embarrassed I see Aragorn, Lego, and the jerk Boromir standing at my door in stead. Aragorn had a smirk on his face along with Lego's look of yep that's mine (I can honestly say it was HOT!) while Boromir looked like he was going to say a rude comment. Wait here it comes.

"Like I said just a lady of the night." He said with a smirk looking right at me. With that I round horse kicked him right in the face with him landing on his ass.

"I can at least say I'm a virgin unlike you." I said with a smirk across my features as I looked down on him at this Lego and Aragorn busted out laughing.

"Here are your boots." said Aragorn handing me a pair of boots that reminded me of my riding boots.

"You guys can come in if you dare." I said as I sat on my bed as put my socks and boots. Reaching to my bed side table where Rowan left the hairbrush they gave me for my hair obviously. Looking up I saw that all the Fellowship was in my room.

"Hey! So how's it going?" I said chirpily. While taking the hair ties from Rowan I threw my red curls in to a pony tail, and placing the extras on my wrists equally.

LEGO POV

"Well my night was spent remembering some amazing night I had." I said looking at Ash. She blushed a deep red at that comment. Boromir left the room to go check on preparations for our travels. After a few seconds Ash looked up embarrassed and said

"So what was Boromir saying about me being a lady of the night." Looking down. Aragorn and I shared looks with Gandalf. Aragorn took the chance and cleared his throat and took a breath just about to start speaking when Pippin but in,

"Boromir was spreading rumors that you were only going on the quest to bed t Aragorn and himself. And that you were with Gandalf." Pippin said looking straight at her. I saw the rage build up with in her eyes and by the end she stood up and I realized what she meant to do. I stood up and grabbed her. And with one look from me everyone left the room quietly.

"Shhh." I whispered in to her ear as I wrapped my arms around her. I positioned her on my lap as I sat criss-cross on the bed. She turned around and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"He is going to pay." she said into my ear. It sent shivers right down my body having her whispering in my ear.

"If you don't mind I think that me and Aragorn are going to do our own kind of payback." She laughed. At that the fellowship minus Boromir came back in.

"I'm guessing that you all eavesdropped." She said with a smile on her face. The Hobbits looked sheepish. We all laughed at their expense.

"Hey, It's time to leave." Boromir said sticking his head in the doorway. And with that we all picked up our packs as we were leaving the room.

"Hey Gandalf do you mind if I call you G-Man." Ash said as we started to leave. Gandalf started to chuckle and said,

"Yes, you may call me G-Man." And with that we left for our journey.

**R&R Also i know that they seemed to not have their packs with them but they had them with them when they came in to the room.**


	8. 8 Trees and Boobs

**I am sorry this is crap so yeah. Please R&R and the song is Alice reprise #3**

**I do not own this lotr i only own the ash and the other characters.**

CHAPTER 8 Trees and Boobs

Ash POV

We are walking and walking and walking and you guessed it WALKING! I am bored. Is it quite obvious? But I know for a fact that I am not the only one bored out of our minds! You see Legolas has this amazing ability to somehow never seem bored. Pippin and I on the other hand were at the "Are we there yet?" stage and I personally feel that Boromir is about to kill us.

Legolas comes up behind me and gives me a slight hug.

"You seem fatigued." He whispered in my ear.

"This is boring, and tiring, and painful." I complain to him.

* * *

We soon entered a forest. And by forest I mean a full out never seen this big kinda forest. The trees were so much more alive then at home. It was alive and magical and my life, my soul was enraptured by it. And I started to wonder away. Then I heard the music. It was like a music box calling my name in a foreign language that I understood but could not tell you what it was.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ash!"

Arms wrapped around my breasts trying to stop me from continuing into the beautiful forest. I collapsed crying silent tears. I could still hear the music.

Legolas now had me in his arms on the forest floor murmuring "your okay", "don't leave", and "stay" over and over.

* * *

We went back to the group and I get tackled by the four shortys. I put on a slight smile. But then Merry says,

"Would you mind if I asked you a question."

"No. What is it?" I respond.

"Well what are the bumps on your chest?" He asks timidly.

The men in the fellowship looked embarrassed and shocked. But the hobbits all looked like they wanted to know what they were.

"They are my boobs or breasts. You know what they are right?" The hobbits looked embarrassed.

**R&R**


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